I am wanting something more. I want a powerful relationship with God. I want to hear God and see Him moving in my life. I want to see a miracle....but I don't like the tough spot where God's miracles always happen. I want God's word to come alive, that its words and wisdom jump off of the page and slap me upside the head so I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I am supposed to do. I want to emerge through the dry wilderness that I have been traveling through for the past three years as a women who is stronger in her faith, stronger in her love for her Savior, and more faithful and obedient to her God.
I don't want the "status quo" version of Christianity where I just occupy a pew on Sunday morning and live the rest of the week like the rest of the world. I want life altering, world changing, miracle seeking, obedience driven, love motivated kind of life. I want something radical. I want more of God and less of me...and I am going to get it.
Now this is not something that is going to fall into my lap. It takes work and commitment. It takes time and faithfulness. It takes committing myself to studying God's word. It takes comitting myself to prayer. It takes me shutting up and allowing God to say and move in the ways that He wants without interference from me. It takes handing over the mess that I have created and trusting and allowing Him to make something beautiful out of it.
In short, I want to be transformed into the woman that God wants me to be, and I am placing my life, my plans, and my dreams into his hands to do as he wishes. This may mean that my already busy schedule may have a few added divine appointments, and it may mean some useless things get stripped away so that I can effectively do what He wants for me to do. My life is not my own...it was bought with a price, that Jesus paid on the cross, and I want my life to be worth that price he paid.